When we are faced with a new person, who could potentially become our new partner, curiosity is great in all aspects. In particular, it is normal for us to want to talk about sex in order to discover the past - as well as the habits and perhaps the tastes - of the person in front of us. While this curiosity is entirely natural, talking about sex on an early date can potentially lead to situations of great embarrassment; in short, it is necessary to calibrate our actions in order to put those in front of us at ease, but without giving up our curiosity.
In this appointment of our blog we want to clarify precisely this issue, which is very often considered a taboo. Of course we want to do this without advising excessive caution, because we know how frustrating it can be to have doubts about a potential partner's present and past sex life. Here are some ideas you can use when you meet someone, perhaps thanks to the service that our agency makes available to you.
Why talking about sex is important
First of all, we must emphasize that, regardless of when you decide to do it, talking about sex with your potential partner is important. The reasons are valid and fundamental, as they even lead to a question of physical health:
* A person, especially after the age of thirty, has most likely had sexual relations with more than one person. For every person who has been there in the past, there is a risk that cannot be overlooked and that concerns potential sexually transmitted diseases. Obviously these are quite rare cases and it is impossible to think about talking about sexual health and infections on a first date, but sooner or later you have to do it.
* If the person in front of us has a completely different view of sexuality from ours, serious relationship problems could arise over time. The numbers of desired relationships, rather than the expectations of the partner, are two of the main factors that lead to problems in the sex life of relationships.
* Fantasy is always (or almost) much greater than reality. For this reason, it is common to fear that, in the past of the other person, there have been people with great physical abilities or with unusual sexual performance. It is a common concern that can make you lack serenity when you think about relationships with the other person, so sooner or later it is better to clarify these aspects.
When to do it
The couple dynamics that approach the most intimate topic of all are very personal. For this reason it is difficult to think of finding an answer that works for everyone. First of all, you need to build some confidence with the other person, something that can take from 2 to 6 months on average. If you are very bold and it is your style to go out with some "hot" speeches, perhaps because you manage to fall into the subject without seeming out of place, you may even get to talk about sex on the fourteen or fifteen date (see also the article "Relationship between sexuality and health").
In most cases, this has already been done before we openly talk about sex. Indeed, if a certain complicity had already arisen between you and the other person under the sheets, surely you might be able to come up with this topic with greater ease. It is also up to you to make assessments of how much your partner is actually willing to talk about certain things; in many cases, women are less casual, but they tend to be much more serious while addressing the subject. Conversely, men are usually more casual but give less weight to the story of their past experiences.
In short, overall we do not recommend that you speak openly about sexuality during the first meeting with a person. This also applies to people suggested by the marriage agency, since their main interest is normally to discover and experience a person over time, not to have a one-night stand.
Tips for talking about sex on a date
There are some small things to pay attention to to make sure that the speech can be approached in a casual and calm way, but still with seriousness. Also in this case it must be admitted that from person to person there are nuances that change, but overall these tips will always be useful to you.
1. Level of seriousness
When it comes to sex, creating a heavy climate can make the discussion take an unpleasant turn. In spite of this, it is clear that space should be given to this topic and that it should be treated seriously. The advice is to stay in the middle, trying not to tread your hand and at the same time not to let the topic be treated sufficiently. If your partner should behave too lightly, clarify the reasons why you decided to talk about it and make sure that you perceive the relevance that that conversation has for you; do it without exaggerating and without making the other person feel guilty for the way she answered you.
2. Occasion
A good time to talk about past relationships is in a private location, away from crowded places like a restaurant and bar. Better to be home alone, perhaps after a dinner or at another relaxed and peaceful moment. Better not start the conversation by touching on this topic right away. If you can, try to fall naturally on the field after talking about other things, perhaps related in a more generic way to experiences made in the past from other points of view. This will help create the right climate right away.
3. Graduality
You can never find out all about sex life in one conversation, otherwise it would become an interrogation. We are approaching this topic slowly, discovering each other with the passage of time and the increase in complicity. It starts from more superficial things, gradually towards the more intimate ones. Over time it is nice to continue discovering things about the other person, and it is an integral part of a couple's life.
We hope to have given you a hand in deciding how to deal with the subject of sex within your nascent life as a couple. In addition to wishing you the best for upcoming dates with your partner, we encourage you to use the comments section to tell us your thoughts - we're curious to know what you think about sexuality dialogue in the early stages of a relationship.